trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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