It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
