Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My Sexting was not on an AP level
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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