My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
