I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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