my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
