dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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