I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
