apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
