People in love make me want to vomit
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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