Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
