You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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