Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
