There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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