I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
