Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
