i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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