why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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