Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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