Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
