I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
