I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
