Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
