Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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