Christians are straight up FREAKS
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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