"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
