This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
