This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
