saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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