I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We talked him into tasing himself.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
