just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
