Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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