It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My life is pants optional.
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