I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
