and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize