literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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