You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize