it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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