i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
