Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
