true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
