all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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