I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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