watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
