believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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