I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no, he came in my armpit
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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