You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
