So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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