and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
