No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
