she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize