so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
