Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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