Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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