no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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