Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
North Korea, Best Korea!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
