I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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