I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she peed on how many people?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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