my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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