I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
