I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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