you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize