Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
