I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Are we still banned from the library?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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