Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
