Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
