Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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