I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
then he tried to convert me to islam
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
