I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
