That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
